It makes you feel like someone you didn't think you were, right? That's been my experience. I think it's an inevitable and uncomfortable part of the journey, but I also think that when you arrive at a better place it washes away for the most part. Hopefully, when we look back we'll all be able to say that being on the wrong path led us to the right path, and be grateful for that.
voodoo lady
JoinedPosts by voodoo lady
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36
How do stop myself getting too Bitter?
by stuckinarut2 inyou know, i always maintained that during this fading process, and while learning ttatt, i would not let myself get "bitter twisted and angry".... but, in all honesty, if i examine myself, i have become quite bitter toward the org, toward the false friends and the gb.. i have become angry as i see the extent of damage i feel being raised in "the truth" has done.... i feel hurt towards the lost opportunities in life etc.... how do i not allow myself to get too swallowed up by such bitterness?.
i have always been a very happy, positive, selfless person.
i can put people at ease, i am someone people feel comfortable chatting to.
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13
A brilliant psychologist
by voodoo lady ini've been seeing a brilliant psychologist.
he has been pivotal in drawing the parallels between my jw upbringing - specifically the hypocrisy i saw as a child - and the reason i've tolerated lies and inconsistencies in my most significant adult relationship.. i've seen one other psychologist in the past.
she didn't get the issues surrounding the religion whatsoever, didn't regard that aspect of my backstory as relevant, and was of little help to me.. has anyone else seen a psychologist - whether for help with coping in the aftermath of leaving the religion, or for seemingly unrelated issues that actually turned out to be related?
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voodoo lady
Thank you all for your experiences. It's great to know that others are seeking, and having positive results with professional, "real-world" therapy. Involvement with any cult, particularly via indoctrination since childhood, cannot be discounted in the evolution of one's mental health throughout the course of a lifetime.
Because I thought I had extracted myself from the organisation very much in tact, I presumed that the religious stuff really wasn't an issue in my life anymore. It wasn't until my current psychologist that I saw how my thought processes really had been muddled by things I was taught as a child, and the bizarre, and hypocritical behavior I saw my parents exhibiting.
I guess one's own childhood experience seems normal, even if - in retrospect - you determine it was profoundly abnormal. Dr Marlene Winell seems to have an incredible grasp of this concept, and of the "normalization" of religion as a whole. Thank you for the resource, gone for good. It's great to see that there are some experts in this field.
I also agree with paranoia agent that there's an art to the profession, and some are inevitably better at their craft than others. No doubt it's also a personality thing, and, as with any interaction, some therapist/patient combinations are more effective than others.
Even when seeking therapy for reasons that seem entirely unrelated to indoctrination, it's worth having the conversation, and a good psychologist will draw that out. It seems that post-cult after-effects can present themselves in ways that may not be obvious, especially if you believe you've already closed the book on that chapter of your life. As my psychologist told me: "we can treat behavior, but behavior is nearly always symbolic."
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13
A brilliant psychologist
by voodoo lady ini've been seeing a brilliant psychologist.
he has been pivotal in drawing the parallels between my jw upbringing - specifically the hypocrisy i saw as a child - and the reason i've tolerated lies and inconsistencies in my most significant adult relationship.. i've seen one other psychologist in the past.
she didn't get the issues surrounding the religion whatsoever, didn't regard that aspect of my backstory as relevant, and was of little help to me.. has anyone else seen a psychologist - whether for help with coping in the aftermath of leaving the religion, or for seemingly unrelated issues that actually turned out to be related?
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voodoo lady
I've been seeing a brilliant psychologist. He has been pivotal in drawing the parallels between my JW upbringing - specifically the hypocrisy I saw as a child - and the reason I've tolerated lies and inconsistencies in my most significant adult relationship.
I've seen one other psychologist in the past. She didn't get the issues surrounding the religion whatsoever, didn't regard that aspect of my backstory as relevant, and was of little help to me.
Has anyone else seen a psychologist - whether for help with coping in the aftermath of leaving the religion, or for seemingly unrelated issues that actually turned out to be related? Was the experience effective for you?
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The lesser of two evils
by voodoo lady ini was fortunate enough to have a fairly smooth exit from the cult.
a major factor in this transition was retaining the one and only family connection that was important to me.
even though the relationship was challenged, it didn't end, and in many ways, the very nature of it being tested proved its strength.
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voodoo lady
I was fortunate enough to have a fairly smooth exit from the cult. A major factor in this transition was retaining the one and only family connection that was important to me. Even though the relationship was challenged, it didn't end, and in many ways, the very nature of it being tested proved its strength. I had already formed friendships on the outside too, so I didn't feel like I was sacrificing terribly much.
It's only now - years later, and after the death of that important family member - as I struggle to exit from an unhappy relationship, that I realise how traumatic it is to prepare to lose your life as you know it.
My life will be disrupted. The (initial) outcome will certainly be unpleasant. I will lose relationships that are important to me (or at least they will be changed). I will be alone in fundamental ways for the first time. I can't imagine what my life will look like, and I have that human condition whereby I'm afraid of the unknown. As a result, I am compelled to retreat from this abyss, and as I do, I realise how terrifying it must be for all those who face losing everything in exchange for the unknown.
How does one surmount these fearful obstacles in the hope that someday it will all be worth it?
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My Experience Growing Up in the Watchtower
by Eiben Scrood ini thought i'd relate my experience here.
can others relate to it?
does it sound familiar?.
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voodoo lady
Beautifully told. What was your next move?
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I have no Real Friends!
by stuckinarut2 ini have come to a startling and sad realisation!.
i have no real friends!.
i have always been extremely active in every aspect of the org, since childhood.
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voodoo lady
As predicted, most will turn away from you if you reveal your true thoughts because of what they stand to lose if they don't (whether real or imagined).
But sometimes people surprise you. I've always found that in a crisis, there are people who stand by you no matter what. It may not be who we're counting on (which is the sad part) but there will be real flesh and blood people there who care about how you feel - ones you may not expect. Until a friendship is tested, it's a mystery.
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You don't seem to be as happy anymore!?
by stuckinarut2 ini have been told by some in the cong that i don't seem to be as happy anymore..."what's wrong?
" they ask..... i feel like screaming out "i'm not happy because i'm going insane living a sham fake life stuck in the org pretending to be a good ms and witness!".
i really do feel it is taking a toll on me...and even the damn bros and sis are now seeing it!.
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voodoo lady
Perhaps it's a good opportunity to suggest that your "privileges" are taking a toll on you physically and/or emotionally. Of course, they'll worry that you're becoming "spiritually weak" if you take the emotional angle, but could you try summoning up an old injury, or an ailment that straddles both? Something like chronic fatigue? And that wouldn't strictly be a lie because you sound pretty fatigued by the whole situation!
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Cognitive Dissonance in a Relationship
by voodoo lady init's a familiar feeling, not unlike the experience we might have within organised religion.. .
i never really experienced this within org as i exited when i was a teenager.
the problems and incongruencies that became apparent during that time seemed simply a result of developing a fully-functioning brain.
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voodoo lady
I recently saw a clip of someone speaking about "coming out of the closet," and her definition of a "closet" was any situation in which one perpetually pretends. She mentioned that the body will inevitably produce cortisol when it's under that kind of stress, and for the first time I realised that indefinite pretending could really damage a person. It was a scary thought, as it's hard to visualise an end point in slow-moving and potentially never-changing situations. At least, within the parameters of current perception, that is.
One can always find reasons to stay when cognitive dissonance is in effect. Talesin, you gave a hell of an example. It made me think about the rationalisations of the abused being equally applicable in relationships and at the hands of fundamentalist groups.
I also just remembered Stockholm Syndrome - the sense of being addicted to one's captor. I suspect it may have some overlap with the experience of cognitive dissonance. Can anyone relate to this, whether within the org or within a relationship?
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16
Cognitive Dissonance in a Relationship
by voodoo lady init's a familiar feeling, not unlike the experience we might have within organised religion.. .
i never really experienced this within org as i exited when i was a teenager.
the problems and incongruencies that became apparent during that time seemed simply a result of developing a fully-functioning brain.
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voodoo lady
SIAR2, it sounds exhausting on both fronts. I'm sure there's virtually nowhere you can let your guard down and just say what you feel. Except here.
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Cognitive Dissonance in a Relationship
by voodoo lady init's a familiar feeling, not unlike the experience we might have within organised religion.. .
i never really experienced this within org as i exited when i was a teenager.
the problems and incongruencies that became apparent during that time seemed simply a result of developing a fully-functioning brain.
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voodoo lady
I can imagine how often that's heard in JW land. I never had a partner tell me that, but I remember my mother telling me (when I was a very young girl) "I love Jehovah more than you."
But what I'm really talking about here is wanting to get out of a situation that's ultimately making you unhappy, but staying as long as you can because you don't want to jeopardise other things. You know, the way people are often reluctant to leave a marriage because they don't want their children to be hurt, or because they don't want to lose 50% custody. I can understand why someone would reason this way in the earlier stages of wanting to leave, and it seems not unlike wanting to exit a high-control religious group and being concerned with how many sacrifices you have to make to cut yourself loose.
But I think that whatever the situation, perpetual pretending really wears a person down.